I dont get P

This is so awkward that the last Thursday we still talked each other with baked Calzones but now it feels like I don’t get him anymore. I talked him about the guys I was going with, my bigbro’s—not real bigbro—friends. I said that they’re cool, handsome, and sure, rich. But he kept telling me that they’re actually jerks and not any smart. Question: are you smart enough to say other people’s stupid, P?

I live alone here (Jogja). I only have my friends, and P, and my bigbro. Lemme tell you bout my bogbro first. He’s not my bigbro, actually he’s my uncle. The simplest is, anaknya besan nenek. But he’s just about twenty something, so that’s awkward if I called him ‘uncle’. We’re so close since I’ve been in Jogja, he feeds me. He brings me to place I’ve never visited before. Unlike P, my bigbro’s kind of cool guy, dan tentu saja dengan tongkrongannya yang—you know, classy.

Gue cuma punya dua orang itu di Jogja, tapi dua-duanya bener-bener beda. They both are really different each other.

P’s almost anti-social. He doesn’t like making friends. He has less friend. Or I can say, he has no friends. He lives at the cave I called kamar kosnya, he get the best marks, smart, and loves perfection. My brigbro has so many friends, dimana pun dia duduk pasti ada yang dia kenal, he’s not as handsome as P, not as smart, but he accepts everything near him. He lives in tongkrongan-nya. Dia punya banyak temen yang bisa dikenalin ke gue, unlike P yang ga punya temen dan gaada yang bisa dikenalin ke gue. P dislike if I have boyfriend, my bigbro's was so glad knowing if his lilsis isnt single anymore.

The problem is when I started making friends with my bigbro’s friends, and I told P, he seems unhappy to hear that. I just cannot choose one of dua orang itu, kakakku ato P. Harusnya kami bertiga bisa bersatu, unless P isn’t an anti-social one. We have the same hobby, going to pub, having some beers, but the question is why, why I have to choose?

Yesterday I was mad at him, I’m still in my period and asking for a masker—you know, I’m so stressed out cause fucking hujan abu I hate it.

I was hoping for some relax, with sharing beers with him maybe, but what he said really hurts me..

Are you jealous of my new friends, P?

It’s just unlike when I said I need beers, then he was the one who took the responsibility, brought me beers, drunk together, listening to each-other, slept-over, that was my prim but hey,

Now it feels like I don’t get him anymore.